 Drs Holmes and Rahe do research on the stressors in life that make people ill. Holidays are actually listed as a stressor on their scale! Why would that be? Because people change their routines, sleep different hours and usually drink more and eat less healthily. Family members spend more hours together than usual (a very good thing!) but often these members do not always gel for so long. Family roles sometimes change. Small children are under the parents’ supervision for 24 hours (no day care or after care!). And different family members have different dreams for the holidays.
Holidays are the perfect time for extended families to bond again: adult brothers and sisters, grandparents and grandchildren, nephews and nieces. What a happy family… until the one family wants to braai and the other wants a vegetarian meal, or the in-laws want to celebrate Christmas and New Year with different traditions and rituals. I still think holidays, especially family holidays, are a relaxing affair. Perhaps I’m romantic or nostalgic, but I have a feeling deep inside me that it is possible to have a good time with your immediate as well as extended family. Here are a few suggestions: Individuals Even when you join family or friends for the holidays, you also need time on your own as an individual – without feeling guilty. - Stay spiritually grounded: meditate or pray, read a spiritual book, journal, paint or do whatever will ground you.
- Take time out and treat yourself with a massage, play golf, watch a movie or do something special on your own.
- Enjoy nature, walk on the beach or in the woods or go for picnic.
Immediate family
- Spend time to bond as the core family without the extended family.
- Have a family meeting before the holidays and let members share their expectations and dreams for the holidays. Draw up a roster of the days and try to fit in at least one priority expectation per family member (depending on the time).
- Be realistic about domestic chores such as cooking and cleaning, and make a fair deal.
- Schedule special family time and do flooding exercises (flooding an individual with compliments) or reflect on the year and compliment family members on achievements or improvements.
- Be creative together and learn a new skill as a family – do craftwork, pick up shells or driftwood and create something special, or listen to or make music together.
- Write letters to family members telling them what you have appreciated about them in the past year.
Extended family - When sharing space with extended family members include the whole family in domestic chores. Make a fair deal proactively, before things become sour.
- Make sure that there is enough alone time (immediate family) as well as together time, e.g. during the day the families do what they want, but they all join for supper in the evening and take turns to cook.
- Tell stories to the kids about significant or funny events that happened in the family.
- Value old rituals and create new ones to celebrate the family/children and big events.
- Create memories together.
Tips for a trouble-free holiday - Expect your family to be the same as they’ve always been – both good and bad. This will help to avoid or overcome holiday depression.
- Learn to say no. You don’t have to attend to everyone and all the social interactions all the time.
- Laugh and keep it light, watch funny DVDs together, tell jokes or play board games. Older family members can teach younger ones their traditional games, and vice versa.
- Get enough sleep.
- Start new traditions.
- Delegate responsibilities. Don’t try to be the hero in all the celebrations. Share the responsibilities.
- This last one is the stuff we all dream of doing every year, but never get it right. This holiday, try to sometimes eat healthy, drink moderately, sleep enough, exercise more and, this year specifically, stay within your budget!
If you want to prepare for the holidays or just reflect on the past year, please contact:
Elsa Simpson – an experienced facilitator, trainer and counsellor. She conducts workshops and team-builds as well as individual processes for personal growth and development in organizations as well as with private individuals. Contact her at
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
, on 021 982 7038 or 083 782 1249, or visit www.clariact.com. |
