In this article we unpack people’s need to please (Q3). If you need to deal with pleasing clients, these insights will help you to handle them. If you personally suffer from the disease to please, use these tips to cure yourself from this chronic illness!

 

(Please also refer to a previous article – “How to understand yourself and others interpersonally” – for more information about the model and the various types of clients.)

Why do so many people suffer from this disease to please? In short, we all have a very strong need to be liked, loved and cared for. Is this a sin? No, definitely not. But perhaps there are other ways to fulfil this need than to please everyone around you and end up being Goody Two Shoes – sacrificing your true identity and becoming too good to be true!

Why be concerned when you are a Q3 or one of the very nice people of this world? Firstly, when you continue pleasing everybody around you, you lose track of your own needs. The concern for people is very high, but you are not standing up for yourself or your projects or programmes. Hence, you end up as a doormat or slave, doing everything for everybody. If you continue to be Suffering Suzy or Pleasing Peter you are doubting your own abilities and contributions. Before you know you slip into Q2 (see previous article).

When you are on the other side and you need to engage with Goody Two Shoes, make sure that you know their needs and wants because they won’t tell you. They will put on a nice mask and mislead you with their intentions. They tempt you to believe it is okay for them to be nice and allow you to use/misuse them. Don’t let them “lead you into temptation”, but be aware that no one is this good. Too-good-to-be-true people can become resentful and bad-mouth you behind your back! Save them from themselves and make sure that you play fair in negotiations and handing out tasks.

People pleasers need lots of validation and reassurance about their competence. They need to be liked, loved and cared for.

If you are the people pleaser, ask yourself the following questions:

• If I say YES (instead of no) now, how would l feel after I have done this? (Will I feel that I have been treated unfairly or will I feel good about myself?)
• If I continue pleasing others in these circumstances, am I being true to myself? Am I the person/employee/boss I want to be?
• Why do I please? If the answer is that I need people to like and love me, I must be brave enough to face these needs and do something constructive about it. I must surround myself with people that care and love me. I must care about myself.

If you want to learn more about how to deal with pleasing people or how to be more assertive, please contact: